present

Grieving is emotionally taxing and yet it feels strangely healthy, very grounding. It connects me to the very essence of what it is to be human - to love and be loved. It was healing to dedicate the last many days to the grieving process. Thanks again for your kind and encouraging comments in this time.

To answer Greg's question about afterlife connections with Max, thus far no, I haven't had any visits or feelings that Max was visiting. It might be too overwhelming still if something like that were to occur. Maybe he is waiting until I am more stable.

Ok, I am going to shift out of the past and get back into the present. I have four wonderful cats that continue to be a delight.

Nahum still loves above all else, to play. Playing with him is the perfect anti-depressant!

Willow enjoys sitting by the cat-door. Even when it is open, she sits and looks out it, enjoying the warmth of the inside while enjoying the view of the outside.

This is the one spot in the house where Rose allows the humans to touch her. For some reason this little cat bed is safe. Anywhere else and she won't let you even come close to her. Thankfully, she parks in this bed every morning after breakfast, so that is my one opportunity to get some Rose loves.

Theo continues to have no boundaries! In this photo, he has worked his way up to the top shelf in the closet where he discovered the cat carrier bag. He happily hopped in the bag and made himself comfortable.

Cats are awesome!

emptiness

Thanks to everyone for the supportive feedback over these past few days. It has been a challenging and a sad journey in grieving Max. It also has therapeutic. This will be the last memorializing Max post for awhile.

---

The morning after Max's death, I took a number of images of all his favorite spots. The feeling of overwhelming emptiness permeated the house. Reminders of his absence were everywhere.

empty blanket tunnel

empty porch shelf

empty kitty spot at top of stairs

empty treat corner

empty blanket perch

Too much empty.

remembering Max

Two years ago this afternoon, my sweet Max passed over the bridge.

Max enjoying his yard in the last hour of his life.

I miss you buddy, I hope your love tank is forever full.

Max memory #3

This is the only picture of Max I have from this day two years ago.

Getting Max to eat took a lot of work. He had lost interest in eating, which was not a good sign. On this day two years ago, I had purchased a different brand of kidney-friendly food and had just given him some. I was very encouraged to see him eat some of it.

I didn't know it at that time but this would be his last night with us.

Max memory #2

Photos of Max from two years ago today. These are hard pictures to see, as he is not looking his best. He was certainly a sick kitty, after battling CRF for nearly eight months.

Max posing with his favorite toy, the blue yarnball.

I was very worried about Max because he hadn't pooped all week. 

When he left me this gift in the box, I did a celebratory dance and snapped a photo!

Some of the last cuddles with my buddy.

Max was the perfect snuggler.

Max memory #1

I dread this time of the year. The second anniversary of Max's death is coming quickly (May 9th). I can hardly believe it has been two years, it feels like at least 10 years since I have gotten to hold him and bop my nose to his cute little black nose. Seeing pictures of him immediately stirs the deep ache in my heart and brings tears.

Over the next number of days I will be posting some pictures of Max on that day two years ago. Seeing these pictures stirs up my overwhelming sadness but it also feels honoring to my dear friend. The pain in my heart is real, it is a testament to my love for my fuzzy black and white buddy.

Two years ago today, I knew Max's health was declining, he had spent the weekend prior in the hospital trying to get rehydrated. Not knowing how much longer we would have together, I soaked up every day I had with him. These pictures were taken 2 years ago today.

Front porch patrol. He loved that porch.

Hanging with me.

grass

Knowing that Nahum loves lettuce, I have been wanting to get him some of the wheatgrass from the cat-store as a special treat. Well, I had the opportunity and he loves it! In fact all the cats do! 

The grass is kept on the other side of this door. Nahum parked outside the door calling out over and over for me to open the door for him.