remembering MK

It was one year ago today that MK disappeared.

 

I still miss him dearly.

Pierre misses his brother too. They lived their lives together everyday, playing, hanging out, and cuddling.

I had dreams of trying to convert Oliver, MK, and Pierre into inside kitties, but MK remained semi-feral and wouldn't let me get to close. Investing your heart into feral kitties is dangerous business, as their lives are often too short, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Oliver and his family are my family.

 

You are loved MK, you are forever loved.

MK, Pierre, and Oliver

gratitude abounds

I've been away from blogville for some time due to ten days of travel and time on each end of the travel preparing and then adjusting back into regular life. One challenge is that I keep having incredible experiences that open my heart and stretch me in becoming a more fulfilled, alive person. So, returning is not a matter of just re-engaging regular life as it was before I left. This challenge is one I embrace, as it indicates how much I'm growing more into life.

Today being Thanksgiving in the US, it's a day of reflection and noting my gratitudes. There have been many, it's been quite an amazing year.

The highlight of my year was my summer Montana Equine therapy experience, which forever changed me. It was certainly the most terrifying thing I've done and the most life changing. I'm amazed what happened when I leaned into my deepest fears with the support of some incredibly loving people, I came out so much stronger on the other side. Fear, take notice, I'm done running from you!

Thecatguy and his trusty mount, Harley

I'm so grateful for all my delightful kitties!!!

Buddy continues to live a healthy and tummy rub filled life! It was sometime earlier this year when the vet figured out that he has IBD and once we started treatment, his health immediately improved! I'm grateful for his continued health and his lovey personality. 

Buddy is usually affixed to me in a snuggle posture

Nahum is as fluffy and gorgeous as ever!

I've started getting Nahum acclimated to my office in hopes he'll be my therapy cat. I was thinking Marvin would make a good therapy cat, and I think he would (he has the personality for it), but two things got in the way, he started having more health problems and on his second visit to the office, he urine marked my couch, Ack!

special food speeds up the acclimation process!

Willow is still Willow, cute as ever. In this year she has gotten more snuggly which I adore. (She's actually purring up a storm in my lap right now!)

Willow gets cuter every year - how does she do that?!

Rose is still terrified that her humans might eat her alive, so she keeps her safe distance.

Silly boy Theo, remains a character. We must always be mindful of unattended food as Theo will attend to it for sure!

Over the past year, Theo has gotten more snuggly. He loves being held and just wants to be close. He doesn't really like us having foster cats as it takes attention away from him and usually takes some of his space away too. Theo very much likes his space and his peeps.

Oliver! Every interaction I have with this boy makes my heart aglow. This guy is pure love, I so adore him and so wish he could be inside kitty, but he continues to urine mark his space. So, that means I can only bring him inside under supervision or in a room that's been fully oliverized (covered with towels and things that can soak up the pee.) The other day, I brought Oliver inside and we both snoozed together in the living room with the indoor cats letting him be - it was a glorious moment! I'm hopeful for more such moments where he can be inside and not create tension with the other kitties.

Camping in the side yard with Oliver this summer was a highlight of the year for sure! We both had a wonderful time!

The saddest event of this year was MK going missing and is now assumed deceased. That was hard. Really, really hard. That happened early in the year and really set my heart into a painful place for quite a long time. Even though I never got to pet him due to his semi-feral nature, I loved him deeply. I miss him and his silly antics dearly.

Pierre has had a good year, although it's clear he misses his brother, MK. Those two were inseparable, so without MK, Pierre gets lonely. He's taken to staying pretty close to Oliver, who tolerates the closeness. Oliver gets his love needs met from me, but Pierre is still too scared of humans to trust me that much and thus tries to love on Oliver every moment he can get. 

Since MK went missing, Pierre rarely leaves the yard. Actually, that seems true for Oliver too. Both stay close to the house, which makes me happier. I occasionally see Nora come by for dinner, which makes me happy!

ever so curious Pierre

Bert, my previous foster cat, is doing amazingly well in his new home! I had the honor of housing him for about a week this summer while his forever human worked on moving to a new house. I love that he's doing so well. This boy really got a big chunk of my heart and knowing he's happy makes me happy.

And now there's Marvin, my current rescue and foster.

Somehow I thought I would guard my heart from becoming too attached to Marvin. I failed miserably. This guy is such a delight. He's little (about 7 pounds) but has tons of personality. He's become a professional snuggle champion in such a short time, he's a natural. 

His health has been up and down since his rescue. I'm super grateful that his health has been stable for the past week, but with chronic kidney failure and his other problems, his health is a roller coaster of emotional stress.

Marvin is still available for adoption if the right person comes along and wants to love on him for however long he has. And if no one comes along, he can stay here and live out his days knowing he's loved and enjoyed. I'm grateful for how sweet his personality is and he's like eye candy, a pleasure to look upon! I love his deep, luscious chocolate coloring!!

I usually get one big house project done a summer, but this year I somehow managed two!

I'm grateful for the house and for the ability and resources to get these projects done.

I'm also grateful for all the humans in my life. I've been gifted with an amazing wife and many delightful friends who I treasure. I'm also grateful for all my blogging friends - you all have gifted me in amazing ways that you are not even aware of. Thank you!

I'll close with this quote that I was introduced to on my recent trip. I feel it beautifully sums up my life journey of this past year as I come to more fully own and live into my gifts and value.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - Marianne Williamson

 

wish come true

You know it's a good weekend when Mr. Oliver gets some inside-kitty time!

Nothing better!

Meanwhile, Pierre did some snoopervising this weekend as I mowed the lawn.

remembering MK

Today marks 6 weeks (42 days) since MK went missing. My heart still aches for him and yet I've come closer to accepting that he's not coming back. I'm guessing he might have gotten hit by a car or some such awful fate.

MK                                      July 12, 2014

The back porch was his home, he spent most of his nights here snuggled up with his papa, Oliver, and brother, Pierre. More than anything else, he loved spending time with his family.

 Family snuggle                                 May 13, 2014

Oliver started coming around in early 2011, by the late summer, I had built him living accommodations and a safe place to eat. In that time we started becoming friends and by late Fall, he was cuddling in my lap - to my delight, he had come to fully trust me. Apparently he trusted me enough to bring his kitts to my yard, to share in his good fortune.

One of Oliver's young kitts having some dinner             Nov 28, 2011

   Oliver, MK, and Pierre enjoying dinner in the Dining Hall           Dec 31, 2011

Oliver keeps watch

Oliver has always been more than happy to share his food and heated homes with his family. It's no wonder MK adored his papa so much, as Oliver has always gone to great lengths to care for his family.

  Oliver on roof with his kitts staying warm inside his heated home       Jan 12, 2012

It didn't take long for MK and Pierre to feel more at ease in the yard. Over time, they began hanging out here more frequently and eventually they were here more than they were not. When Oliver was around they always felt very safe and would lounge in the yard.

Jan 14, 2012

MK hanging out with his sister, Nora                   July 5, 2012

In time, MK began trusting me more and more. He loved to play with toys. I would bring fake mice out in the yard and he would go crazy, batting them around the yard. He particularly enjoyed a large stuffed rat-toy!

June 9, 2013

Family portrait                           Jan 15, 2014

MK was always willing to take more risks when Oliver was around. Oliver's presence gave him courage and confidence. If Oliver was coming inside the house, then MK would have to check it out too.

MK checking in on Oliver in his "room"                   Jan 21, 2014

It was common for me to check the kitty-cams and see MK zonked out in Oliver's House or his Guest House. Seeing him all safe, warm, and snug on a cold, rainy winter day always brought me great joy. 

MK and Pierre enjoy a cuddle together inside Oliver's House   Feb 6, 2014

MK and Pierre enjoying a cuddle         Aug 2013

I'll be the first to admit that I have a control issue. I'm the kind of person who likes to do everything I can to ensure my cats are safe and happy. Therefore, taking care of a backyard feral cat colony has been incredibly stressful, as there is only so much I can control. I've lost a lot of sleep over the years worrying about their wellbeing. I've worked really hard to create a feral cat paradise, so they won't wander and will be safe and secure. Care taking the ferals has also been incredibly rewarding, winning the trust of feral cats is a very emotionally intoxicating experience. Looking back, I probably was only able to touch MK just a handful of times, occasionally stealing pets while he was distracted and happily eating his wet food breakfast alongside his brother and papa. As soon as he realized I was touching him, he backed off, just out of my arms reach.

It's amazing how attached I can get to a cat that I've only touched a few times, however, I watched him live out his life in my backyard and back porch. Everyday I got to see his playful personality as he romped with his brother around the yard and cuddled with whoever was available. MK was certainly the silliest of his family, he was always doing something that made me smile and warmed my heart.

MK, I'm really, really sad that my time with you has been cut so short. I know Oliver and Pierre miss you too. My heart aches to see you again, free, happy, and romping in your yard with your brother. Thank you for gifting me with your beautiful presence. I did everything I could think of to keep you safe and happy, but in the end it wasn't enough, and for that I'm deeply sorry. Although I can no longer see you with my eyes, you will forever live in my heart. I love you MK and I miss you dearly.

May 8, 2012

 Summer 2011 - January 19, 2015

comfort

It's been a bit of a rough morning. I took a friendly TNR-rescued cat into the clinic this morning for a neuter and emotionally fell apart in their parking lot as I thought about possible outcomes for MK. I made it home and Oliver was there to greet me with never ending purrs and loves.

Once inside the house, I spent some time crying, writing and praying. What started as peacefully asking God for comfort turned into pleading for comfort. I know that when I'm emotionally overwhelmed, I have a difficult time sensing God's gentle presence, so I begged that God would provide his comfort in a loud or tangible way - something I could really pick up on.

I look up and there's Nahum hopping up on the bed.

Nahum in ancient Hebrew means "comforter"

I received my comfort, in a real tangible, fluffy package

And if that wasn't enough, Willow had to get in on the action too

Prayer perfectly answered. Now, I'm going about my day with gratitude.

missing one

My beautiful MK remains absent, with no sign of him anywhere. I've hung more posters around and every night I put out extra food for him just in case he comes home.

family portrait                            January 15, 2014

I've scoured the neighborhood looking for possible places he could be trapped. There are a few abandoned houses nearby that I wondered if he could have gotten trapped into, but after a thorough investigation, I didn't see any places where he could have made entry. 

MK, always ready to cuddle                           July 31, 2013

More recently, I've started searching bushes and hidey spots, places he might have crawled to if he was hit in the road and tried to drag himself to some cover. But again, no sign of him. Our local shelter is a kill-shelter, where animals get 72-hours to be claimed. So I've been scanning through the pictures of stray animals they have in custody, but looking through these pictures is heartbreaking. So many beautiful cats who's futures are uncertain.

June 9, 2013

I've not been able to get my mind off of MK. I keep checking the cameras throughout the day looking for some sign that he has returned. It doesn't take much for me to reconnect with the heartbreak all over again and the tears flow.

June 9, 2013

I think I remember reading somewhere that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is about three years. I've had MK in my life for a little over three years. Sigh.

June 9, 2013

I can tell that both Pierre and Oliver miss him. Pierre and MK loved to cuddle and excitedly rub up against each other. With his cuddle buddy gone, Pierre is constantly trying to rub up against Oliver, who only tolerates it for a short time. Oliver gets his loves from me and doesn't rely on his kitty-family for physical affection. Pierre and MK relied mostly on each other for that affection with only occasional physical loves from their papa.

I captured this rare family portrait the other day - eight cats in one photo! Can you spot them all? The only cat missing out of this picture is MK.

Jan 29, 2015

With MK being gone almost two weeks, I'm really having a hard time holding onto hope. I've heard stories from others about cats returning after extended absences and those stories help. A friend's backyard feral cat, Little Mama, went missing the day after MK did, and she returned 8 days later.

If you all could help me hold onto hope, that would be greatly appreciated. I so appreciate all the warm thoughts and prayers you all have sent our way, your support and love means a lot to me - thank you.