Mr. Fourwhitepaws

I recently sorted through a bunch of old pictures and came across these of Max, the kitty who introduced me to the amazing world of cats. He was one of a kind. These photos would be from sometime between 2005-2009.

Yearbook photo

 

I loved how his white whiskers framed his face so beautifully!

Max forever lives in my heart and I'm so grateful for his love.

never ending blessings

I wasn't planning to do a Thanksgiving Day post today, but then I read lots of other kitty blogs sharing their blessings and I got caught up in the gratitude, so I grabbed my camera and took all these photos...

It's been a year of great blessing in the kitty family. I'm most grateful that everyone is still with us! I hope I can say the same next year.

Theo

Still crazy and fixated on his food! This year he has become more affectionate and seeks out more cuddles. We both seem to be liking that just fine! I love Theo Time, our nightly ritual that takes place after I've gone to bed. First Buddy gets his tummy rubs, then Theo hopes up on the bed and climbs on my chest for Theo Time loves. It doesn't take long for the drool to start!

Rose

Every year Rose gets a tiny bit more trusting of humans, I think in another 20 years she might even let us pet her! She's made some good progress this year. She lets us walk by her without jumping away in a panic. She also will occasionally take treats from my fingers. We keep working with her and hope she will someday get to relax with us. 

Buddy

Mr. Tummy Rubs - I'm so grateful he's still with us. His arthritis keeps getting worse and hence his back legs are more unstable. It's hard to see him struggle to jump or be so unsteady. He's still having a good time and lives for his tummy to be rubbed - so, we'll keep caring for him until he tells us he's ready to cross the bridge.

Nahum 

Nahum always makes me smile. He's in love with life - he has a case of infectious happiness! Seeing him be silly and playful brings joy to my heart. He follows me everywhere wanting to play or just be near me. This year, he's really become more cuddly, choosing to hang out in my lap. 

Willow

Every year Willow gets cuter. I don't know how she does it. Her adorable face and soft, luscious white's accented by her soft gray furs just melt my heart. She's always talked with me, but this year she's become quite the talker. She doesn't meow, she makes a unique Willow sound. We often carry on conversations, she's got a lot to say!

Oliver

Oliver! What can I say about this boy?! He continues to capture my heart with his amazingness. He's so clever, affectionate and silly. His complete trust of me brings me joy as does seeing him care for his family. A few of our new rituals are, he greets me at the car when I pull into the drive way. I open the car door and he hops in my lap for some purrs and loves! What a lovely welcome home greeting!

I tell Oliver's story in my basic TNR class and every time I do, I reconnect with my deep seated gratitude for him. I owe my involvement in TNR to him. If he hadn't brought his family to my house, I may have never got hooked into TNR!

As you recently read in a earlier post, he's been spending the nights secured on the back porch. Most nights I go out to lock him in and he comes running up to me on the porch. I love that he doesn't feel negative about being locked on the back porch at night. Having his family join him for the night probably helps!

Oliver got to spend some hangout time with me on the bed this morning. He so loves being inside kitty. When it's time to bring him back outside, he knows what's about to happen, so he rolls on his back to have his tummy rubbed and to make it harder to pick him up! He's super clever.

Pierre

Pierre has come along way in trusting us this year. He spends most of his time on Oliver's back porch or somewhere on our property. I'm so grateful for him feeling safe and secure here. When he's sleeping on the back porch, he no longer flees when we walk through, he just watches us, then returns to sleep.

MK

MK wasn't around when I took today's pictures, this is old picture of him. 

Back in July, MK went missing for a week. Each day that went by without him returning I grew more heartbroken. I thought he was gone forever. When he returned on the 7th day, I was overjoyed and now each time I see him I'm still overjoyed! As I recent'y shared, his using of the special cat door is huge progress this year. He's not as trusting as Pierre, but has made some progress this year. I'm so grateful he's alive and that he's his silly self!

Bert

A catguy couldn't ask for a better foster cat. Bert is such a love. He looks a lot like Rose, just bigger and wears his coat a little more tightly. I'm grateful for Bert's unending love. Soon he will be going to the yearly Holidays adoption event that I participate in - lets all hope he finds his forever home soon!

Max

Even though Max crossed the bridge over five years ago now, he remains very alive in my heart. He gave me the incredible gift of discovering the joy of cats. I never knew cats were so amazing until he showed me it was so. His loving, sweet nature has forever changed me and for that I will be forever grateful.

Yes, it's been a good year, even beyond the kitty family. The humans have experienced many blessings too, which I am tremendously grateful for. My heart overflows with gratitude for all these amazing gifts. A big thank you to all you awesome cats out there on the interwebs!

- - BONUS BLOG POST MATERIAL - Capturing The Willow - A behind the scenes look - - 

Getting amazing photos of Willow might seem like a challenge to get but it's not really. In this case, she was one of the last cats photographed for today's post. She wasn't too happy about being last, and followed me everywhere, waiting for her turn.

I asked her to show her cutes and I provided two props, a fuzzy fleece blanket and a nip-filled fleece fish. She took those items and worked her magic...

Happy Gratitude Day!!!

five years

I can't believe it's been five years today that my amazing Max went over the bridge after a prolonged battle with CRF.

October 23, 2007

Max was my first cat. He set the standard for all cats. He was the perfect blend of playful, snuggly, and curious.

March 15, 2008

Max sometimes forgot to retract his tongue all the way!

Feb 14, 2008

He was a big cat.

July 5, 2009

He always slept upside down!

Feb 28, 2007

Yarn balls were his favorite toy.

July 11, 2007

He always enjoyed exploring the yard on his harness and leash.

March 8, 2008

Five years later and my heart still hurts like it was yesterday.

I long to gaze into your eyes while holding you upside down in my arms. 

I miss rubbing your soft furry tummy while you purred and purred.

Your desire for bopping your nose to my nose always delighted my heart.

I miss you my sweet beloved Max.

making time to grieve

Abby's (Manx Mnews) recent decline and passing has stirred up some grieving pain from the passing of my beloved Max, back in May of 2009. My grieving continues and will forever continue as Max was the most amazing cat ever and my first.

The pain of losing Max was intense. Anticipating such pain, I started therapy shortly after learning about his terminal diagnosis (CRF) to assist me with grieving. It was helpful but as the weeks went by after his death I realized I was going to need something more powerful. I decided to take some time for myself and travel to a sacred place to give my heart time to heal.

In late August of 2009, I was off to Isle Royale National Park, which technically belongs to Michigan, USA but is much closer to Ontario, Canada. It's a small island in Lake Superior, where there are no roads, just trails for hiking or backpacking. It's my paradise, the place my soul finds rest.

I have a long history with this place. I first learned about this island park in childhood when I was really into wolves. I would read everything I could find about the island's captive wolf population, all the while dreaming of visiting someday. One day I shared this dream with my parents in hopes that we might go there for our annual family summer vacation, but it was ruled out for being too far. Imagine my surprise when months later I learned my dream was going to come true, we would be going to Isle Royale!

My parents fell in love with the place too and a few summers after our initial visit, the whole family embarked on a backpacking adventure across the middle of the island, 40 miles (64.4 km). Flash forward many years and in the summer after my first year of college, I took a seasonal job working in the park. When I accepted that job, little did I know how it would forever change my world. That summer, I met Laura, the love of my life and I encountered God in a very real way. It was an enchanted summer filled with incredible experiences.

After Max's death, while my heart was struggling to carry the weight of the loss, I could not think of a more prefect place to grieve than Isle Royale. So, off I went, to backpack across the northern most edge of the island (trail highlighted in purple on the map below) with the goal of letting the sacred space heal my deep heart-wound.

click on map to see it big

Here are a few images from the journey:

Moskey Basin

Lunch break at Lake Richie

Lovely forest

McCargoe Cove

fresh wolf tracks!

Camp site at Little Todd Harbor near the big lake

I couldn't decide which of these next three sunset pictures I liked the most, so I'll share them all and you can decide for yourself. The sunset is over Lake Superior, the land in the far off distance is Canada.

8:34pm

8:54pm

8:57pm 

View of Canada from ridge trail

Resting at North Lake Desor

Sunset over Lake Desor

A quiet evening

Back on the ridge trail

Ripe thimbleberry, so very tasty!

Trail through the bog

 After my backpacking trip, Laura met me on the island for some hanging out.

Rock Harbor marina (where I worked that summer in college)

Sunset over marina with MV Ranger III moored on right

Tobin Harbor

Canoeing in Tobin Harbor with Laura

Way back in the day, my early dates with Laura involved canoeing around Tobin Harbor. Often we would drift out in the harbor late at night under the glow of the Northern Lights (aurora borealis), as they danced across the sky all while listening to the distant loons calling out. The meteor showers and other natural wonders were pretty impressive too.

This trip back to my paradise did exactly what I was hoping it would do. Many tears were shed and joyous moments with Max were recalled as the restorative powers of the Island worked their healing ways. Years later, I can still feel the pain of Max's absence but the real intense pain that had started to fuel depression and despair was scattered across the many miles of trail. After this experience, my grieving pain has shifted from an intense, unregulated, difficult to contain pain to more containable pain. There are still times when the pain swells, but overall the weight of the loss is bearable and I'm able to self-regulate.

I'm convinced that grieving is an active process that must remain active lest it stagnant and become depression. I believe it's a process that forever continues, it's very presence is a testament to the powerful bond that exists. So long as I love Max, which will be forever, I will grieve his absence. I am so incredibly thankful to have a place like Isle Royale.