fly free sweet Oliver

Oliver crossed the rainbow bridge this afternoon. Letting him go was one of the hardest things I've ever done. He was such a beautiful soul, pure joy. 

I will always miss you, my sweet boy. Thank you for being you and gifting me with 12 years of you. I love you always. ❤️

Oliver's last night

It is with deep sadness that I must share that Oliver will be crossing the rainbow bridge tomorrow (Monday).

The lack of eating much food has led to significant muscle wasting, and now he's really struggling to get around. 

I am overwhelmingly sad. This guy means the world to me. It's difficult to imagine life without him. 

Nahum and Theo holding vigil. They know. 

Oliver

Oliver is still with us and I am enjoying every minute with him, however, it feels like the end our time together is drawing near. My heart hurts saying this. 

After another visit to his oncologist, it was determined that he was no longer getting a benefit from the chemotherapy drug, thus we discontinued it. He's now in hospice care and we are trying to make him as comfortable as possible. 

He's not eating much, but more than he was his last weeks of chemo. The tumors are quite big, making it difficult for him to walk and stay balanced. It's really hard to see him have to work so hard at just walking. He's still super affectionate and wants to be wherever I am. 

I've been trying to imagine life without being able to cuddle him, without his soothing purr, without his physical presence. So hard to imagine. My heart is breaking. How will I ever say that final goodbye? 

Cancer sucks. Grief sucks. 

Oliver update

I haven't posted an update on Oliver in a while, I think because it's too painful. His health continues to decline. We are doing everything we can for him. We took him to Tufts to see an oncologist, which was helpful. They basically said there is not much we can do. 

He is on a chemotherapy regime, Palladia. It seems to help him feel better. It's supposed to cut off blood supply to tumors and shrink them. He gets this drug on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So, Sunday and part of Monday are the days when he has had the least amount still in his system and those are typically the days he looks the most uncomfortable and it's more of a challenge to get him to eat.

 I have been taking him in weekly for exam and blood work, to monitor his status. Last week, his weight was up and the vet felt like his abdomen felt a little smaller. I was so thrilled to hear that. Then she called with the blood work results, his liver enzyme is elevated. With that effect the dosing protocol requires taking a week off from the drug. I'm terrified he's going to more rapidly decline over that week and never really rally. 

It's so hard to know how he's doing by looking at him. I keep thinking his abdomen looks bigger and bigger (tumors growing) but then I wonder if I'm just imagining it. That's one of the reasons I'm taking him to vet weekly, to get more objective exam. 

One thing I know, is that I'm so not ready to lose him. I'm really struggling to imagine life without him. He's such a joy, a gift. 

I've been trying to work from home as much as I can, so I can spend every possible moment with him. He loves the extra attention, always wanting to be with me. 

Our vet and the oncologist said his prognosis is grave, they estimated 4-6 months. That was in mid-July. Two months of that down, leaving 2-4 months. My heart is breaking anticipating what is coming. 

He has been eating better. I give him many opportunities to eat whenever he wants. I'll get up in the night to give him chance to eat. Grateful he's still eating.

Continued prayers and purrs appreciated. 

♥️

more Oliver

As each day goes by, Oliver is eating less and less. When he hears some of his favorite foods being handled, like when I'm grating cheese, he still comes over, asking for some. But when I give him some strands of yummy cheese, he doesn't eat it, which breaks my heart. 

I'm trying to be creative to find things that might still be appetizing to him, but more often than not he turns away. 

Our amazing vet has done a ton of research on his condition, exocrine pancreatic carcinoma, and sheet shared that research with us. Sadly, the research is pretty bleak, especially when the cancer has metastasized. Not much in the way of treatment and life expectancy after diagnosis seems to be more measured in days rather than months.

I've been spending my days soaking up as much Oliver love as I can. I'm not ready to lose him, but life and death doesn't seem to influenced by my readiness. 

Nahum has been living up to his name lately and providing a lot of well needed comfort. I'm grateful. 

Oliver update

It deeply pains me to share that Oliver has many carcinoma tumors on his liver and pancreas. We have no treatment options. 

I am deeply devestated. Oliver means the world to me. 

His appetite is very intermittent. I bought a variety of different foods and kinds of foods to try to encourage him to eat. He's on an appetite stimulant, pain meds, and nausea meds. We will do our best to love him and make him comfortable in the time we have left. 

Those who have followed my blog know that since I have known Oliver, I have done everything within my power to keep him safe and healthy. In this moment, I feel so powerless now, as there is nothing I can do to protect him from this threat. 

Please purr and pray for all of us as we love on him and grieve what is coming. ❤️

Oliver and the C-word

 

I took Oliver to the vet last week because he had lost his interest in eating and seemed off. At the vet we discovered he had lost 2 pounds and the vet felt some odd things in his innards. He was scheduled for an ultrasound for this past Monday (yesterday).

The ultrasound revealed cancerous lesions on his liver and pancreas. I am heartbroken. He has always been so healthy, this feels like it came out of nowhere.

Now we are awaiting the pathology reports and then will seek an oncologist to discuss options. Prayers and purrs for sweet Oliver would be much appreciated.

I can't say enough of how much I adore this cat. He is a tremendous gift of love and joy.

Sunday sleepy day

It's sleep Sunday!

A day of rest and cuddles in the air conditioning. It's crazy hot outside! 

The rest is nice after getting up super early to take in the sunrise. 

I hope you all are having a lovely start to your new week! 

aging cats

Seeing my fur-babies become geriatric is so hard. They are slowing down, much less energy and of course, more health problems.

Nahum has bad arthritis in his lower back. He's on pain medication and various supplements, which have helped but sometimes we suspect he is still in pain.

Meanwhile Theo has been off lately. He went in to the vet this morning for a blood test that required fasting, and with his food scarcity trauma, skipping a meal causes him to panic. All his worst fears are coming true. The vet is suspecting pancreatitis, which I believe he has had before.

Pierre providing Theo some comfort.

Oliver also has bad arthritis in his back legs. His pain medication and supplements have helped but occasionally we see him hobbling some.

Father's day!

It's that day again, the day to celebrate Oliver! He's the only father here. And he's a fantastic papa!

He takes good care of his son. 

This day has always been a day of mixed emotions. It seems a holiday geared towards people who have quality relationships with their fathers, at least that is what gets depicted in media - that would not be me. For me, it's a day of grieving what I wish I had.

I wish I had an engaged father, like Oliver is to Pierre. I hope you all take good care of your hearts on this day of mixed feels. 

Thursday three

Three is better than two! 

Tuesday Two

These two...

Pierre still loves cuddling with his papa! Oliver, well, he tolerates it for a bit.

Pierre did find another cat who more than just tolerates it. 

Purrfect match! Who doesn't like cuddling with the Fluffy Nahums! 

Happy Tuesday! 

Zonkersville

A good day for a snooze...

All is well here, we hope you are all well too!

bonus!

I've had a few opportunities to work from home which has given me the benefit of enjoying these moments...

Fluffy Nahum Goodness!

Sweet Oliver Amazingness!

Delightful Theo Cuddles!

snuggle champions

Day after day, these two show off their snuggle-prowess

I'm guessing they are practicing for the upcoming Cat-Olympics championship snuggle event

Happy Friday!!

safe 4th

Thank you everyone for your kind words about Marvin, it was a blessing to read each of your comments. The weight of grief is heavy and I appreciate not carrying it alone. I deeply miss him, he had such a big personality in such a tiny package. I'm not sure how he fit all his kitty-stuff in there! I've been noticing his absence and also noticing the relief of no longer needing to be always on duty. The 24-hour caregiving duties added up slowly over time,  I don't think I realized the weight of the stress, worry, and around the clock caregiving requirements, until that weight was released. I hope to write up a memorial for Marvin shortly.

Today's the 4th of July - the day I always think of Oliver and his family. I remember all those years of him being outside and being all terrified by the fireworks. I did my best to give him and his family a safe place to hangout. Even with the accommodations I provided, the fireworks caused him great stress, which in turn caused me great stress.

Today, Oliver and Pierre are happily inside - chilling with no worries about fireworks or cars or any other dangers! And I no longer stay up all night worrying about them darting across a busy road after getting spooked by fireworks. Tonight, they are happily inside! Yah!!

Oliver's preferred napping position                  July 4, 2019 12:32pm

We live in an in-town apartment here in Lebanon, NH and the people around here seem to be a lot less into fireworks - which is great! I'm not a huge fan of the noise.

Pierre enjoying the view and keeping eye on the human     July 4, 19 8pm

 Pierre and Oliver - now forever inside cats!!

Oliver, snoozing safely and soundly as inside kitty!!      July 4, 19, 8pm

Pierre enjoying the sun!                           June 22, 2019

I hope all your kitties are safe and sound this evening!

beauty abounds

It's Christmas time and this year we are experiencing something different than previous years. This year Oliver and Pierre are getting to enjoy the holiday season as full fledged inside cats!!

Pierre (window) and Oliver (couch)

Earlier today, Pierre was parked in the middle of the living room, soaking up the sun! He's slowly losing his feral ways. Maybe in another year or two we'll be able to pet his soft furs! He seems less fearful now than Rose.

Sunday naps with Mr. Oliver - what could be better?!

A big thank you to Connie (Tails from the Foster Kittens) for helping me find a local source of kitty grass! Thanks to her, Rose now has joy again in her life.  Thank you everyone who shared about easy ways of growing it, when we move into a house with more space, I plan to embark on growing it.

I had a weird moment recently, when I remembered that I actually like the winter season! Here in New England, it's quite beautiful. I had forgotten how delightful the season can be after spending 18 years in the perpetually damp-Seattle area. I'm loving the dry cold here! The snow is quite beautiful - makes it feel like Christmas! 

I had the privilege of sitting in on a local non-profit's board meeting last Friday, which tool place in a lovely old Vermont home. We sat around the kitchen table, soaking in the heat from the wood stove. The window featured the view of snow covered fields and this stunningly gorgeous barn.

Vermont winter beauty

In other news, we got word on Friday that we are officially pre-approved for a mortgage! That felt like a huge step that needed to happen before we could find our new place. Now, to find that new place. It needs to have a lovely enclosed porch for Theo, a warm stove for Rose, lots of sunny windows for all the cats, and lovely steam radiator heating so we can all be toasty.