Willow had done well last (Sunday) night, she was up and more alert. Then around 6am on Monday, she started having seizures again and was back to very unresponsive. As the day progressed, the vet said she got a little better.
I spent part of the day researching meningioma tumors in cats. The stuff I was reading was making me feel hopeful, that with surgery, she might have a good life ahead of her yet. Apparently, surgery works well to treat these types of tumors in cats, and because the tumor is attached to the meninges and not the brain itself, there's not a need to cut into the brain, thus reduced risk of brain damage. The standard treatment is a few weeks on oral steroids to reduce inflammation and then surgery. Anyway, I was feeling a bit more hopeful.
When we visited her at the hospital in the afternoon, she looked in really rough shape. It was really, really hard to see her that way. I was expecting her to look miserable, like she's been at home lately, but she looked much worse. The evening update from the vet indicated no positive change, although she continues to have more seizures. The vet said she remains in "critical condition". I'm very worried.
We meet with the neurologist Tuesday morning to talk about what's going on and possible options. I am really scared that we may need to make a gruelingly difficult decision in that conversation. Deep breath.
It's been a hard day. My mind and heart is locked on Willow, it's hard to think about anything else. I feel like I'm in a daze. I went into the grocery store this afternoon and was overwhelmed by it all. I stumbled around the aisles looking at stuff, hoping it would help me remember what all I was looking for. I'm grateful for a light work load right now, it's hard to be present right now.
Not everyone in the household is as stressed as I am. Oliver enjoyed having the sun warm his topside, while the heating pad got the bottom side!
Later, the boys were all hanging on with me on the love seat.
Oliver loves to be comfy when he naps inside.
Oliver's been spending more time inside lately. He still must be supervised, which means he's limited to the couch, no roaming around inside for him. No question he loves being inside, I wish he would stop spraying, so he could be permanently inside. There is much I wish for right now.
I appreciate everyone's support and kind words. This has been excruciatingly hard. I'm tired of all this fear, I don't think it's helping me or Willow. As I go to bed tonight, I'm going to do some visualizing and breathing exercises, to get more grounded and to let go of the fear and trust God's process. I don't always like that process and often don't understand it, but I trust it's built on love, even when it doesn't feel like it.