Monday, March 2, 2015

remembering MK

Today marks 6 weeks (42 days) since MK went missing. My heart still aches for him and yet I've come closer to accepting that he's not coming back. I'm guessing he might have gotten hit by a car or some such awful fate.

MK                                      July 12, 2014
The back porch was his home, he spent most of his nights here snuggled up with his papa, Oliver, and brother, Pierre. More than anything else, he loved spending time with his family.

 Family snuggle                                 May 13, 2014
Oliver started coming around in early 2011, by the late summer, I had built him living accommodations and a safe place to eat. In that time we started becoming friends and by late Fall, he was cuddling in my lap - to my delight, he had come to fully trust me. Apparently he trusted me enough to bring his kitts to my yard, to share in his good fortune.
One of Oliver's young kitts having some dinner             Nov 28, 2011
   Oliver, MK, and Pierre enjoying dinner in the Dining Hall           Dec 31, 2011

Oliver keeps watch
Oliver has always been more than happy to share his food and heated homes with his family. It's no wonder MK adored his papa so much, as Oliver has always gone to great lengths to care for his family.

  Oliver on roof with his kitts staying warm inside his heated home       Jan 12, 2012
It didn't take long for MK and Pierre to feel more at ease in the yard. Over time, they began hanging out here more frequently and eventually they were here more than they were not. When Oliver was around they always felt very safe and would lounge in the yard.

Jan 14, 2012
MK hanging out with his sister, Nora                   July 5, 2012
In time, MK began trusting me more and more. He loved to play with toys. I would bring fake mice out in the yard and he would go crazy, batting them around the yard. He particularly enjoyed a large stuffed rat-toy!

June 9, 2013

Family portrait                           Jan 15, 2014
MK was always willing to take more risks when Oliver was around. Oliver's presence gave him courage and confidence. If Oliver was coming inside the house, then MK would have to check it out too.

MK checking in on Oliver in his "room"                   Jan 21, 2014
It was common for me to check the kitty-cams and see MK zonked out in Oliver's House or his Guest House. Seeing him all safe, warm, and snug on a cold, rainy winter day always brought me great joy. 

MK and Pierre enjoy a cuddle together inside Oliver's House   Feb 6, 2014

MK and Pierre enjoying a cuddle         Aug 2013

I'll be the first to admit that I have a control issue. I'm the kind of person who likes to do everything I can to ensure my cats are safe and happy. Therefore, taking care of a backyard feral cat colony has been incredibly stressful, as there is only so much I can control. I've lost a lot of sleep over the years worrying about their wellbeing. I've worked really hard to create a feral cat paradise, so they won't wander and will be safe and secure. Care taking the ferals has also been incredibly rewarding, winning the trust of feral cats is a very emotionally intoxicating experience. Looking back, I probably was only able to touch MK just a handful of times, occasionally stealing pets while he was distracted and happily eating his wet food breakfast alongside his brother and papa. As soon as he realized I was touching him, he backed off, just out of my arms reach.

It's amazing how attached I can get to a cat that I've only touched a few times, however, I watched him live out his life in my backyard and back porch. Everyday I got to see his playful personality as he romped with his brother around the yard and cuddled with whoever was available. MK was certainly the silliest of his family, he was always doing something that made me smile and warmed my heart.

MK, I'm really, really sad that my time with you has been cut so short. I know Oliver and Pierre miss you too. My heart aches to see you again, free, happy, and romping in your yard with your brother. Thank you for gifting me with your beautiful presence. I did everything I could think of to keep you safe and happy, but in the end it wasn't enough, and for that I'm deeply sorry. Although I can no longer see you with my eyes, you will forever live in my heart. I love you MK and I miss you dearly.

May 8, 2012
 Summer 2011 - January 19, 2015


  1. I know you have NOT given up hope! I sympathize with you; keeping a feral colony is incredible wonderful...and heartbreaking. But, I also know that nothing I say will help to fill the hole in your heart that MK has left. MK is still alive, living in your heart. Hold him there, keep him warm and safe. He's not going anywhere. I believe that sincerely.

  2. We totally understand the sadness when one of those presious souls goes missing. Hugs from all of us.

  3. If the worst has befallen MK, I pray it was a merciful and quick passing. Be at peace know you've done everything any human possibly could to give him a wonderful life and to keep him safe. I think that he would want you to hold his memory close, not to torture yourself over things you can't control--as much as you wish you could control them. Maybe he came to teach you this spiritual lesson, to teach you to love with all your heart and then let go, knowing it's not up to you or any human to control a Being's fate. Lots of purrs and hugs.

  4. Hugs and purrs your way. You gave MK a safe comfortable home after Oliver brought him to your yard. Sometimes that is the best (and all) we can do.

  5. Very nice post, but very sad. I never even saw the cat in real life, and it makes me sad! Put this post up on a special MK page. Forever shall his memory live on in cyberspace.

  6. I understand your feeling of loss. It's not knowing that hurts so much. Sending you a hug. Deb

  7. You did your absolute best for him - and far better than he would have gotten without you - and you were blessed to be able to touch his wild self. I hope that he has a new family now, one he is working on bringing around to you, but if not, I too hope he went quickly. I imagine he would have because I believe he is the type of cat that would have made it back to his safe zone by any means necessary if he were injured.

  8. I sincerely understand your anguish and sorrow. Having a feral cat ourselves (now) and in the past. The day Button didn't return back to workshop at night was the last time we saw her. Still nearly 10 years have passed now and I still think of her. Sometimes we just aren't meant to know, it goes beyond us no matter what we do. I hope that Oliver and Pierre continue to enjoy many years of love and safety with you as I know you do everything possible to keep them secure. I am so very sorry about MK.

  9. It took me a long time to realized my outside cat Emily was not going to return. Several years ago she just disappeared. Gone but never forgotten. So sorry for your loss but he will always have a place in your heart....and yes he might still return. Hope is all we have sometimes.

  10. Phil, I am SO sorry about MK. You know that I'm here for you, and you can always lean on me and the kitties for support. I've always known how much you care about your precious kitties. I can relate to how you're feeling, I think. I bonded immensely with Jewel even though I only knew her a few years, and even though she owned me for a mere two of them. It is so very hard to lose our precious babies. I certainly hope MK shows up, but if he did go to the Bridge, I know that there are so many of our friends there to keep him company until we can be with them. ::hugs::

  11. That is so sad, he was a beauty. Don't give up hope yet, I have heard many stories over the years of cats returning after longer than this.

  12. Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear this but I am really hoping that he appears again. He deserves to have a longer and happy life. If anything has changed please let us know. MK is a wonderful guy. It's so nice to see him with his family.

  13. My heart is just breaking....I am so deeply sorry. I don't even have the words. I am still hopeful that maybe he will come back. Maybe a family took him in (I adopted my Angel Bobo as a stray....I searched for the owner for 2 weeks, never found them), I pray that that is what happened and he is still alive. (((hugs))))

  14. How hard this is for you! You gave him comfort, food and safety for as long as you could.He is/was a beautiful cat. We feel your sorrow, and we still have hope. Purrs for MK and you.

  15. I am so terribly sorry, but I understand the need to feel closure about MK. As a feral colony caretaker, I understand what it is like to look and call and hope and construct "what if" scenarios day after day. Try to remember that you have given MK the BEST possible quality of life, and that if he is still on an adventure (which, from my experience is quite possible!), that "freedom" is the most important part of a "great quality of life" a feral cat can have. In the meantime, MK is forever with you in spirit. Many blessings to you for the wonderful work you do. Your blog and the love you have for your cats is nothing short of inspiring! :)

  16. I love every comment here from real and loving ...even dear, cat parents who understand as do I, how you feel. MK IS still living in your heart and the gentleman who wrote to set aside this post as MK's special remembrance page had a loving idea. Those of us who have grown to love the family of Oliver and his kittens also are suffering MK's loss. I am, and it seems our other cat family members here are as well. We grieve with you and send comfort that is real and warm and lasting.


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