roller coaster

As I was packing up getting ready to leave my office this afternoon, reality hit me like a load of emotional bricks. I realized Buddy's health is fading rapidly and he most likely will not be with us much longer. That moment of reality was accompanied by a host of tears as my heart broke. I spent the 20-minute walk home sobbing as I thought about what felt like a painful truth.

Undated photo (circa a few years ago)

Buddy's health has been up and down. Periods of not wanting to eat and looking really uncomfortable mixed in with times of being his tummy-rub demanding, super-lovey self. It's really hard seeing him so miserable, it's not the quality of life I want for him. Tonight, he's back to his perky self (I'm grateful). When I got home from my commute, he was the first to greet my sobby-self at the door with lovey meows and climbing up on me, desperate to be held (exactly what my ouchy heart needed). Seeing him be his usual self tonight is quite the contrast to last night, when he was all hunched up on the heating pad looking quite miserable.

Earlier this afternoon, I had a conversation with my vet about Buddy's health and the last blood work results. The tests basically indicated he's old (16) and his body is really starting to show that age. Organs are sometimes struggling to function properly, as they do with old age, thus times of feeling miserable. I asked if there was more non-invasive diagnostic work we could do, and she said not really. The best we can do is to keep the medicine regime, maybe start Sub-Q fluids if needed and monitor his quality of life.

The reality moment for me was realizing that there is nothing we can do to fix what ails him. Which means, me needing to accept the inevitable, as painful as that is - I'm going to need to say goodbye to my tummy-rub loving machine sometime in the near future. Damn. Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy every moment I get with this guy.

I recently discovered a new Fancy Feast food offering. We got some free samples to try and Buddy gobbled them down with great gusto. I was excited to find a food that he'll actually eat somewhat consistently. This cat food looks like real human food, so I think Buddy might think he's getting human food which he loves.

The food is called Purely Fancy Feast. It comes in little 2 oz trays and it's pretty pricey. But I'm at that place with Buddy, that I'm willing to pay a lot of money if it means he'll eat. He's always been a picky eater and now he's taken that to the extreme. I remember with Max, near the end of his life, finding food he would eat was a huge challenge. I tried all sorts of new flavors, hoping it would entice him just to eat a little bit more. 

Continued prayers for Buddy's health and our ouchy hearts are always appreciated.