While walking home yesterday I remembered how Max loved to be held in my arms. He always asked to be held. Whenever I was working at the computer he wanted to be asleep in my arms. It would only be a few minutes later that he would roll over, leaving me with a sleeping upsidedown big bundle of fur in my arms.
My ability to get my work done slowed. I figured out how to prop one arm on the desk so I could hold him for hours. I eventually learned to put a soft cloth on the desk to cushion my arm. I learned how to use the onscreen keyboard for typing, which was incredibly slow.
Especially after Max was diagnosed with chronic renal failure, I didn't care how much Max upsidedown in my arms snuggles slowed down my ability to get work done, work would always be there, Max would not. Here it is 22 months past his death and my heart aches to hold him just one more time.
The big hole in my heart that belongs to Max continues to hurt. I almost kind of like the pain now, it makes me feel closer to my buddy.